A Boozehound's Guide to Ohio: A Novel

Named for James Joyce’s pronunciation of Ulysses, Oolissays Pageturner considers himself to be an “extraordinarily unornery ordinary Ohioan,” but an act of perspectiveshiftivism profoundly changes his life. While having lunch at a restaurant located in the oldest commercial building in Ohio, he learns that his beloved grandmother has died. Bereft, Oolissays sets off to attend her funeral in Cincinnati’s Spring Grove Cemetery. In pursuit are the other members of the New Zealand Appreciation Society of Southeastern Ohio, who fear he will be arrested somewhere along the route for his sans pants proclivities. Weaving together elements of both fiction and nonfiction, A Boozehound’s Guide to Ohio (as compiled by the New Zealand Appreciation Society of Southeastern Ohio) traverses the state, touching upon such diverse topics as which Ohio city is the best for being bludgeoned into unconsciousness by a drag queen, what would’ve happened had President Harding appeared on the Jerry Springer Show, and where’s the best place to enjoy a cask-conditioned ale while staring at unimpeded views of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s bronze butt. The narrative also explains why the best place to drink absinthe in Amish Country is a hardware store, what made Napoléon almost move to Ohio in 1790, and what city is commonly referred to as “Ohio’s vagina.”